Cham-bug

I moved with a friend to Chamonix
My soul seems to be in harmony
We climb and run
and bike for fun
Or study French when it's not sunny

This story is true and complete

I am not joking, and I am still a little bit freaked out. I just got car-jacked, if you can call it that, by some woman absolutely coked/drunk/stoned/ out of her head. I was sitting in the drive-thru at McDonald's, waiting for my food, when she just opened up the passenger door, sat down, and told me to drive her to Denver. Right then the lady opened the window to hand me my food and she (the drunk/coked/stoned one) just starts yelling, "he wants ranch! Give him ranch! Oh, and BBQ sauce!" Literally yelling at the woman in the drive-thru window. I just smiled and said, no, I'm fine, thanks, and she gave me a weird look, because I'm sure she noticed there wasn't someone in the car when I paid. Anyway, I drove off and started heading towards Denver. We were sitting in silence for awhile when she started singing/chanting/screaming/moaning and then broke off and this dialogue started:

"Where do you buy your gas?"
"From a gas station, just like everyone."
"You don't buy it from Obama...Osama?"
"Well, I guess it comes from the Middle East."
"And Israel, you know Israel's over there."
"Yeah, it is....so where am I taking you."
"Capitol Hill"

Silence for about ten minutes, at first I was totally freaking out, but I am starting to realize that she is way too out of her brains to get the drop on me. There's no way she could pull a gun on me before I noticed and stopped her. Although she did reach into her pocket a few times, but she was just grabbing chap stick, so I started to relax a little and think she was just crazy drunk and was trying to get a ride home. Then the conversation continued as I neared downtown:

"OK, we are getting closer to Capitol Hill, where exactly am I going?"
"Take me to Colfax."
"Colfax and what?"
"Colfax and Saturday's, I need to go there and smoke some bi***es and take their money and coke."

HOLY CRAP, now I am freaking out again. But I am still confident that she can not possibly be coherent enough to actually try to hurt me without me seeing it coming. Especially seeing as how, even if sober, in a sitting position it was difficult to retrieve any sort of weapon out of her pockets.

"No, I am not going to take you there."
(muttering incoherently)
"I am going to take you home, you need to sober up."
"No, take me to Capitol Hill, my son was born there, I want to go to Capitol Hill, I just need to beat up these bi***es and take their money so I can score some coke."
"I am not going to do that."
At this point I get off the highway at the 23rd St. exit and she starts yelling, "Get back on the highway, go straight, go straight now, I want to go to Capitol Hill."
"No, I am taking you back, I am taking you home, where is your home? Where is your son? That is where I am taking you."

I turn around and get back on I-25N going back towards Broomfield, now she reaches into her pocket again and I tense up, I am ready to act, violently, if need be. But she pulls her driver's license out of the pocket and hands it to me!
I read the address, 6568 Harlan St. Arvada. Let me give you some context; I had just left the house, no cell phone, just my wallet and keys to grab some dinner, I'm not even wearing shoes, so I am wondering how in the world I am going to find this place when I feel pretty confident there is no way she can give me directions. I exit at I-70 and start heading West to Arvada.

"Do I get off at Pecos..."
"Yeah Pecos."
"Or Federal?"
"Yeah Federal."
"OK, I am going to get off at Federal."

Silence...I get off at Federal and start driving North. As I get closer to 65th Ave I speak up again.

"What cross streets do you live at?"
"Go to 72nd."
"Your address says 65th, is that not the right address?"
"Go to 72nd."

I am now concerned that she is taking me somewhere else where she has intentions of "smoking some bi***es and scoring some coke" so I just turn West on 64th and hope that Harlan is West of Federal. As I am looking at every street sign for Harlan she tells me to turn North on Nichols St. I do, hoping that maybe she knows we are close to her home. As we drive down Nichols she looks at every house and starts muttering, "No, not it, not it, f***ing garages, f***ing whores, Whoa! Red light! Red light district! A whore lives there! Not it, not it..."

I am worried again that she is looking for a house to rob or whatever so I ignore her directions again and keep driving. I start heading back East on 65th until I get to Pecos. At which point I see a Sheriff's car driving towards us, I flash my lights at him and he just keeps driving. I am thinking about turning around but now another car is coming, and to my relief I notice lights on the roof. I stick my hand out the window and start waving frantically trying to get his attention. He slows down to turn on to 65th and I am thinking, "I'm saved! He can take this woman to detox and get me out of here!" But he just turns and keeps driving down the road! I am so disgusted I can't believe it! I turn around and start flying down 65th to catch up. The speed limit is 30, and this cop is doing at least 50, which means I'm doing 60 to catch up while flashing my lights at him. The woman sitting next to me just keeps saying "slow down, man, slow down." To which I reply, "I think this man can help us, I am trying to catch up to him." So the cop keeps flying down the road and I swear he is speeding up and blows through the light at Federal at which I stop, dejected, and freaking out.

Woman: "Go right here, go to 72nd."

I am still convinced 72nd, is where more trouble lies. "No, we are going to Harlan and 65th, that is where your home is."

"No, go to 72nd, I live there."

Seeing as how my license says I still live at my parent's house I think it's likely that she has moved. And while praying dearly to the Lord for guidance (I had been praying the whole time of course) I start to follow her directions. She leads me to 65th and Sheridan and tells me to turn right, which I do. Down the road a little she spots a Taco Bell and yells, "I want a taco! Get me a taco!" I pull into the Taco Bell, "I want a taco, but I want it flat, like a tostada, get me a tostada!"

"OK, I will get you a tostada."

I pull up to the drive thru and order a tostada, and we are on our way again. Did I mention that this whole time she is drinking the coke that I got from McDonald's? Because she is, and she keeps telling me it is salty and muttering Obama. I swear she would grab my coke, take a sip, say it was salty, and mutter "Obama" and sometimes, "Obama...Osama." I get to 72nd at which point she directs me to head back East.

"Where are we going exactly"
"72nd and Federal."
"OK."

About four blocks before Federal she says, "turn right at this light."

"You know this isn't Federal right?"
"Yes I know, I want you to come into my home. I want you to f*** me."
"I am not going to do that, I am just going to drop you off."
"OK drop me off and then get some coke and come back and f*** me."
"No, I am going to drop you off at your home."

I turn right at the light, which is not Federal and she says, "go straight to 69th."

"OK."

As we near 69th she instructs me to slow down in front of an apartment complex. I come to a stop and she instructs me to keep going and pull in to the parking lot.

"OK, this is where you live?"
"Yeah, park here and come f*** me, and we can do coke."
"No, I am dropping you off, go sober up and take care of your son."
"OK, hold on, I need to grab everything." At which point she starts picking up all the napkins and wrappers from her tostada and holds it up and says, "this is for you, all this is for you."
"Thank you."

As she is picking up napkins she notices and grabs my Bible to which I say, "no, that's my Bible, that isn't yours."
"What the f***!" She begins flipping through until she gets to my place mark. "Jeremiah, you are reading Jeremiah?"
"Yes, that is what I am reading."
"Who is Jeremiah?"
"He was a prophet."
"Of the heart, oh, yeah, a prophet of the heart. What did he say?"
"He said that the Israelites needed to repent of their sins or be destroyed."
"What the f***. Kiss me!"
"No, I am not going to kiss you."
"What, do you think I am dirty or something?" I see real rage in her eyes and start freaking out a little again.
"No, no, it's just that you are a complete stranger and I don't want to kiss you."
"What the f***, fine, whatever, so you aren't going to come back with coke to f*** me?"
"No, I am not."
"Fine, whatever."

At which point she exits my car (praise God!) and stumbles off towards the apartments. As soon as I start driving away I start freaking out again, praying and thanking God that nothing horrible happened. And praying that I really did drop her off at home and nothing horrible was about to happen. This whole ordeal took about two hours, but now I am home, and safe, and freaking out considerably less as I bring this story to a close. This has got to be, by far, the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me, and I just got back from a weekend in Vegas. I feel like God put her in my life for people to pray for her. Please do so, if you feel so led.

It's LIFE I Worry About

Death and I are companions
We run along side by side
He faces me and I laugh
A defeated, pitied foe

My High Priest has run ahead
He has conquered Death for all
He waits for me with open arms
And I run there gleefully

Death reaches his hand to me
I evade him once again
None can guess when he'll get me
But that day I do not dread

Change

Why be dissatisfied with your situation
Constantly looking for a new station
When you feel like a river cluttered with logs
Instead of flowing free you feel like a bog
Ask for the Lord to send his cleansing rain
To flood your life with His Joy again
Refocus your mind on his blessings
That go unnoticed but should make us sing
God has so much planned for you
Seek His will in all that you do
He will clear the logs that are damming your life
And free you from the constant strife
Then the change will come that you were seeking
A new sun from the horizon is peeking
Once you let God write your story
Then you will be able to bask in His glory

Wedding Song

G D
This is quite the happy day
Em C
let me expound if I may
G D
two souls here in a special way
Em C
time to celebrate I say

G C
They're getting married in January
D C
Ali and Brendan way to go!
G C
They're getting married in January
D C
They love each other don't you know

G D
Connected for life, two become one
Em C
God will give you strength for the run
G D
Sure not easy, life under this sun
Em C
but this is a wedding, let's have some fun!

G C
They just got married in January
D C
I love to see the look in your eyes!
G C
They just got married in January
D C
Underneath God's beautiful skies

G D
We can see the joy in your hearts
Em C
With love like yours you'll never part
G D
Get ready to ride this coaster cart
Em C
but hey, today's a wonderful start!

G C
Now let’s party, get it started
D C
This is true love's celebration
G C
Now let’s party, get it started
D C
I can see your total elation!

G C
Time to go on the Honeymoon
D C
This song is your adulation
G C
Time to go on the Honeymoon
D C G
You deserve a LOOOOOOOOOOONG Vacation!

An Ode to Bad Running Shoes, and a Mother's Wisdom

Time to train, a 50K is on the way
Ran just half, it hurt bad, I must say

Mom says, "buy new shoes! They will take away the pain,"
But I don't have $100 dollars, and all shoes are the same!

So I start the race, old worn out shoes and all
I feel pretty good, running strong and tall

At mile 16 my feet start to hurt
But I still feel OK, not much sweat on my shirt

At mile 18 my feet hurt real bad
I start to get worried, and just a little mad

By mile 22 the pain has shot up to my knees
No more running downhill, it hurts so much, PLEASE!

By mile 24 I think I might want to quit
But the idea of not finishing gives me a fit

At mile 27 the worst is yet to come
A solid mile of climbing, walking doesn't sound so dumb

With two miles to go, I have about had enough
This ultra-long race has just been too rough

But wait, I can handle twenty more minutes of pain!
I will push to the finish, my knees and feet will hurt the same

So I straighten my back and lift up my head
I run to the finish like being chased by the dead

I think, "screw you knees, screw you feet,
Finishing this race will feel oh, so sweet!"

With one mile to go I realize I have made a mistake
The pain in my knees is more than I can take

I hobble and wobble and stumble a bit
But there is no way this pain is going to make me sit

With a half mile left, the finish line is in site,
all downhill left, I wish I could fly like a kite

I look behind to see a man chasing me down
Getting passed at the finish would just make me frown

The man behind me gives extra motivation
So I grit my teeth as I pass the last aid station

I push to the finish with all that's left in me
Forgetting my hurts, well, that is the key

I cross the line and finally get to rest
but I can't shake the feeling my time wasn't the best

The pain in my knees and the pain in my feet
Made it hard to do my best, to really compete

I should have listened to the advise of my mother
And realized buying new shoes really wasn't a bother

So listen my friends to the words I am saying
And buy new shoes! Don't worry about paying!

Resurrection

The sun is finally rising, the dark night begins to fade
At last my eyes can see His Glorious Work, I know all my debts have been paid

I will embrace this new beginning, this new chapter of my life
No more looking backwards, no more living in strife

The evil I have embraced, that I have let in the door
Is banished forever, will come back no more

No more lies, betrayal, or temptations will I dread
I will follow His Word, in His steps I will tread

I will be a man after God's own heart
From my lips His Word will not part

The Light is shining now, the lies of the World laid plain
I am set free and forgiven, I will never be the same

No more regrets, no shame, no sorrow
Looking forward to the future, the bright horizon of tomorrow